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This page is about the miscelaneous musing of my youth in High School, and my warm relationship with girls in Nordionia High School. There would be some things, if I culd do, I would do differently, but all I can do is write and explain my prerspective. And this is a message to any girl I have extensively talked to in Nordonia High School.

The ladies that know Brian Ciesicki, this one is for you.

The link was from a discussion of 3D movies and TV, and I made a comment that a fat woman looks better in the properly broadcast ratio than a more perfectly shaped woman would look in the wrong ratio. Especially 4x3 material stretched on 16x9 TVs. And his is nothing against fat women. One example of a woman who was portrayed as fat and ugly as part of her job was TNA's Awesome Kong. Looking ugly and monstrous was part of her schtick. But during the year Gail Kim was inducted in the TNA hall of Fame, I saw a woman, who I assume was Awesome Kong, looked actually kind of cute in formal wear. (And I remember when one of the Bella Twins in WWE said, when she was Kharma and announced her pregnancy,"Some guy voluntarily made love with that thing?!?!" Which is mean, and I believe that was the intent of the comment, and off stage they said the Bellas would insult her. That's part of the wrestling business.)

As someone who is misshapen, I know you have to dress differently to look good. Since my waist and below was cuter than then between my neck and waist, I dress in short shorts, it started to show solidarity with the cheerleaders who have bare skin in the cold, especially during football season. If they can look cute in short skirts when it's below freezing, why cant't I. Yes I admit the cheerleaders looked cute in their outfits, but when confronted by the woman would would be the number 1 academic student, Pattie Trabert, who I became friends with and was the 1993 Nordonia Open Mini-Golf champion, a tournament I organized and hosted on local TV, who also did look cute in formal wear, asked "Would I look cute in a cheerleader outfit?" and I said yes. If it wasn't the senior year, I would have suggested that there's more sports to cover than we have cheerleading squads for, and probably every guy would appreciate a personal cheerleader on competition day. And easy to make people look ugly, that happens by inertia. It's harder beautifying the whole school. Literally any lady who wants to could buy an outfit, but the only difference between the varsity, JV, and the "Fanbase" cheerleaders is that at Baseball, Soccer, Track, Wrestling, Golf, and other sports, the "fanbase" would be less organized than the varsity and JV squads, who would be more in sync and look better together, and look better in motion because they are usually more athletic, and would be our official members for the Battle of the Squads, with the other ladies dressed in their cheerleading outfits and would rush the state as the applause.

And yes there would be a male equivalent "fanware" which gets women's engines going. People could accuse us of being communists, but communist clothes are more "efficient" and less about astetics. I would have love to see a few of the girls show up at the Nordonia Open in their cheerleading outfits, including some varsity and JV who wanted to root me and the golfers on, especially one cheerleader, Jen Toth, who was the only lady who actively rubbed my man-boobs sexily. They could have worn them in the spring if they didn't confiscate them after season and reuse them next season. Some of the baseball players, wrestlers, golfers, runners, and soccer players would it appreciate it, and as we all know, testosterone is the best legal steroid for competition, if it comes from love and not a needle. If all ladies bought them, the only difference is the Varsity and JV ones and the "fanbase" is that the Varsity and JV would have a jersey number and last name on the back, like the athletes they are. And a lot of ladies would buy one, even if they didn't get on the squad. That would save the squad some money. The money raised by the fanbase would fund the Cheer Meet.

If that would have been in place, I would have broadened my interest in girls. If every woman looked beautiful on the outside, then it's just their insides (personality) that would be different.

That being said, I would like to talk to my former neighbor, Melissa Lupica. If you're reading this I don't expect you to want to talk to me, but I just need a forum to explain the situation.

When I was in third through fifth grade, I went to schools where girls were rarer than a dodo bird. The one girl close to my age there was just there. Not a friend, not an enemy, just there.

The neighbor in between me and my other neighbor, my Grandma, one day asked me why I wasn't at the neighbor's house, with my first childhood friend, Mike Lupica, and I had said he wasn't home yet. So Grandma asked, why don't play with his sister, and I said (remember I was in 5th grade at the time so this is when I just learned about the birds and the bees) I don't know how well a boy and a girl would play together. Grandma told me to be open minded. So I went.

Well, she and her friend (Nicole) were practicing cheerleading in their uniforms, and they were waiting for Mrs. Lupica to take them to a grade school tackle footbal game where they perform. I never knew a girl could look so attractive to a guy that he'd rather talk with her than with her brother until that point. I never knew what came over me. I told them that they looked beautiful, and they thanked me.

At that point I had to choose between the sister and her friend, and since I knew the sister better than I knew her friend, I said, I know you may not feel the same way about me as I do about you, but when you're old enough to like guys that special way, could I be that one special guy. I was being gentlemanly, I knew she might not have feelings for guys, so I was trying to stake my claim early.

And, probably just being neighborly and friendly, before she had feeling for guys, said sure. Unfortunately, she never had feelings for me, or at least not enough to pick me as her one guy. I got her yes, and thought that meant she'd like me when the time was right. I never did anything more than look at her with warm eyes. I never kissed her, I never touched her beyond hand-to-hand. I was trying to be the perfect gentleman.

Now remember she was in 2nd grade when I was in 5th, and I was staking my claim early, because, just as my friend, her brother, who was so much more athletic than me, couldn't be a starter on the high school basketball team, she may have not been a varsity cheerleader, so I could have tried to hitch a wagon to a dud instead of a star. In second grade sports, any girl who wanted to be a cheerleader could be, but high school has roster limits. But I thought she was beautiful then, so I decided to go with someone who I know and knows me, and hope that would be enough. Remember, girls were very few, far between, and not dressing attractively in the school I was in, so she was my first, and best chance of getting a girlfriend.

If she wasn't athletic enough to be a varsity cheerleader, our fates may have been different. Maybe the fact that she wasn't a varsity cheerleader, but I would still like her, may have made me come up with the "fanbase" cheerleading fanware idea as early as in between the 10th and 11th grade off season, to show off the beauty in more ladies, including my friend's sister. One of 2 things would have happened, either she would have liked me for seeing the beauty in her, or there'd be so many cute ladies, that if the fate were still the same that she rejected me, at least the fall wouldn't have been as far or fast, and the rebound would be easier. And I could have been friends with her and not be starving for love.

I was trying to rebound well. After she rejected me in my 12th grade, I to was get close with another woman, also a varsity cheerleader, and let me tell the story of how I got close to her. Basically on "handicap empathy day" during 11th grade government/economics class, where half the people were blindfolded and the other half were their seeing eyes, guys were coming behind me, rubbing my chest, and saying "Jen". At first I was upset. Then I thought, this would be the perfect excuse for me to come up to her. I knew she was a cheerleader, so I swallowed my pride and used a little ju-jitsu and try to get in the life of Jen Toth. I told her that guys were reaching from behind me, rubbing my chest and saying I was you, Then I said, comparing your body and my body, I can see where they make that mistake without seeing. Then she rubbed my chest, which wasn't half bad. And I said one day, when you trust me enough, I can return the favor. She squeezed harder.

That was 11th grade. Then in 12th, we were in an advanced Drawing and Cartooning class. A couple of girls invited me to sit between them. One of them was Jen. The other was Evie. They were both pretending the other liked me. But one day, when Evie was sick, Jen draped her leg over my lap, She was wearing shorts, I was wearing shorts. it was leg on leg action. And she had no one to schluff it off to because Evie was sick. My "juice" flowed and she may have felt the warm liquid rush. Then I asked her if we can go to the prom together. and she said yes. Then a week later, she told me she was busy. I didn't see her anywhere at prom. I guess she was telling the truth.

Then I had a chance to get with her at Kent State University. She told me to meet her at the cafeteria. I never went to the second floor and assumed she meant the fast food court on the first floor. Weeks later, I found the cafeteria on the second floor, and thought, man, another blown opportunity.

Considering this is the college set, and a bigger percentage of women wanted to be loved for their brains than their body, most of the women weren't dressed to kill, so no one really attracted me at college, and I was a commuter, so I was an outsider coming in to learn, so my social life in college was limited. I had very few opportunities to see women dressed for dating.

This desperation made me feel that the only chance I could get married was to the woman who rejected me in 12th grade, the sister of a friend. I left her alone for many years at a time, looking for some kind of release, occasionally seeing if she still wanted to be a friend.

Apparently, her parents said I choked her when I was 4 and she was 1. Most people would deny it, but knowing the fact I could get violent, especially when younger, and I've been in special schools for half my school career, I couldn't deny it. So I apologized. I could have sworn there 2 adults, no one my friend knew (remember, both 4) and one of them were encouraging me to choke her. I said I was a stupid 4 year old boy back then, prone to violence. But look at what I became since them. I grew in both the mind and heart. I still didn't know if I really did that or if her parents were trying to stop the friendship and possible dating, so they planted this seed in her. Her brother said so to me one day. I don't know if she remembered it, or if t were even real. But the situation did line up to a believable story. If I didn't know better, I'd say someone from the future is messing with the timeline, and one of Melissa's and my kids would have had-an earth altering consequences, like a bloodless pre-abortion.

The reason why I left the neighborhood was a little suspicious. I tried to get in contact with her via her church, a few days later i was called in to the police station. I was told I was in contact wither twice within a certain period. (either a month or 2 months) i admitted I tried t contact her via her church, but they said I contacted twice in a short period. They pointed to Mrs. Johnson, who moved into my Grandma's house when she couldn't take care of herself well and moved with us.

I think the last time I contacted the Johnsons about ANYTHING was 1997. I shut up, and got a lawyer. Our family lawyer told me that if I didn't tell her to contact Melissa for me in more than a year, then Mrs. Johnson did it on her own, not by my asking. Then the Lupicas agreed if we leave the neighborhood, then they'd stop pressing charges. I got probation. It was so ridiculous that after the move was complete a few months later, the county saw no need to do this dog-and-pony show.

I never talked to her brother until Jamal's wedding. Jamal told me that (hopefully to make me feel better) that Mike's parents tried to strongarm Jamal saying he can only be friends with Mike or me, because he can't be both.

At first I misheard the story saying, the Lupicas forced Jamal to choose. Mike and Jamal still wanted to be friends. Jamal and I wanted to be friends. What I heard at first was Jamal chose me over Mike because my parents weren't playing the it's either us or them card and the Lupicas were. That's what I believed until Jamal's wedding day.

The truth turned out to be even more heroic. Mike knew I needed Jamal's friendship more than Mike did, because I was moving to a strange land. So he did what any true friend would do: Make the tough choice to not see Jamal until he moved out of his parents' house. He told is parents Jamal chose me, Jamal didn't see Mike until Mike got married, and I never saw him until Jamal's wedding.

If there is an afterlife, hopefully everyone would be reunited with everyone else they knew. If I'm not non-existing after my death, I'll be happy to see my friends. Now I know for sure I can count Mike as one of them.

There were other women, for example Pattie Trabert, the number one student of our grade who tried to hide her beauty, but it somewhat showed anyway, except at formal dances where she let it all hang out. When Melissa dumped me at Homecoming 1993, Pattie was the shoulder to cry on and I got a dance from her. So thank you there.

There were a few other women. Like in 9th and 10th grade I was kind of shy, I remembered a girl there, Danette Busser, who told me to visit the library during driving class. Well the basketball games were going on at he same time and she was a Cheerleader, and all the varsity cheerleaders were there warming up before the JV game. I was kind of embarrassed, but strangely enjoyed it. Then she told me about the Morp, a causal dance which was the undercalssmen's answer to prom. I went there. There were lots of girls there, and apparently only one other guy besides me there. Between Danette and quite a few other ladies, I saw jeans as looking sexy on women, especially Danette's. All the girls were huddling around me, and near the end, when I wanted to get close to one, I chose Danette in her skin tight jeans.

There were other cute girls at school too. Celina Roxas let me take a hiked skirt picture of her at Homecoming 93. And she was one of 2 women I knew who went to the Nordonia Open. She won her first game, then had to quit because there was a scheduling conflict, and high school softball looks better on her high school resume than some private mini-golf tournament. She had to choose. I understood. THe only other woman who competed was Pattie Trabert, who became the 1993 champion.

By the way, my story of my creating the Nordonia Open was trying to find a way to be involved in the Nordonia community. I was the worst athlete. Mike consistently beat me in everything, an across-the-street neighbor Dan Grimm beat me in everything athletic. Jamal I was able to baely beat in basketball, until he grew in size and age. Even then he put up a good game, but when he grew, I couldn't tower over him (remember, he's 3 years younger)and he dominated me.

I had to do something to get popular, so when I saw the Simpsons episode with miniature golf, and being more influenced by the Macho Man on commentary more than the whispers of typical golf commentators, I thought that blend would be attractive. It's an every man sport, unlike large-scale golf (sort of like the way frisbee golfers calling golf "ball golf" in Golf Story for the Switch.) and I was actually decent at it. If I would have been smarter, I would have bought 50% more tickets, and if I asked for more money, then I would have had a skill based contest where they enter for free, I'd challenge the other 2 golfers in each game, and the prize would be $10-50 for the champion, $10 for winning the whole tournament, and an extra $10 for each time, up to 4, (16 contestants single-elimination) where they both won against their scheduled opponent AND beat me. I'd be like the Ben Stein of Golf before there was Ben Stein, the Quiz Master. That was the one sport that I could go well. With almost no practice, I can get a par game on almost any new miniature golf course i've been exposed to. At first i was discouraged by Putt Putt brand All-Par-2 courses, but later, after the Bryan Drapp vs Bob Koren Sr game, where Koren uses a "loaded ball" (it was actually a large scale golf ball) that I did some research and found out that the "all Par 2" designation on a Putt Putt brand course was with professional equipment (large scale golf balls, and metal ergonomic clubs.). With house equipment, (rubber balls and generic ambidextrous putters) the actual par is 2.5 per hole, which I was able to get under consistently. Later they changed their golf scorecards to say, "Par 36 course with professional equipment, par 45 with house equipment" So Putt-Putt admits a rubber ball and putter cost one stroke every 2 holes. the idea of stating that was to encourage newcomers to play more often and maybe join the PPA. If I were to do the tournament again, everyone uses house equipment. No exceptions. (Sorry Dustin and Corey, if you were handicapped when I was holding the tournament, if you couldn't figure a way to propel the ball without it being considered an unfair advantage, you couldn't play. I was never given free runs when playing one-on-one baseball against Mike. But man can Dustin play Texas Hold Em well. He just needs his cards shown to him. I heard he was the bubble boy in a WSOP satellite qualifier. I just got to find what I do well.)

Back to the ladies: You know you're a weak arm wrestler if every lady around your age you arm wrestled beat you. One lady thought I was faking it. Now I knew her before the arm wrestling matches. She arm wrestled me, and I thought I was going to win one. She held her own near the end, saw I was trying in my face, and then she just took me over the top in 2 seconds while barely trying. She was surprised I was trying to win, but couldn't. She's the one I like to call "free space" because her birthmark/oil burn/ other mark of discoloration on her thigh, as I thought of this, I would have pictures of the 24 cheerleaders and 24 other ladies who could be confused with the cheerleaders if you only saw a picture from the knee to the waist in cheerleading outfits (remember the ones that pretty much all girls would look cute in, but only the competitive ones wear a number and last name on the back) show picture of that area, make it a skill based contest where you have 1 guess to split them into 2 groups of 24, the varisty and jv on one side, and the fanbase on the other. I'm so sure that it would be very hard to tell apart all 24 from the other 24, that'd I'd buy contest insurance and offer a big jackpot for a perfect score, and offer a 25% of the money as a prize to both the boy and girl who comes closest in sorting the 48 pictures from the knee to the waist into the competitive and the fanbase, and 50% to suporrt the school's cheer squad. Notice they would be still photographs. Motion pictures would be easier to tell, because most of the 24 would move more athletically than most of the other 24. Anyway she's "free space" because in the senior year she was not a cheerleader and you can identify her by her discolored thigh spot, that's the only freebie you're given.

Some people might find that ugly. It's all a matter of attitude. You can either have a bowl of chocolate ice cream: good, but one taste throughout. Or you can get "tracks" ice cream with vanilla ice cream with chocolate candies with either caramel or peanut butter inside the chocolates. The tastes are all different from each other but all good, either separately or in simultaneous combinations. From her perspective, it might be a sensitive spot which gets her more snuggly when rubbed or licked. Even if it isn't, going back and forth would probably drive her wild. Just the change in sensation would excite her. And for whoever her husband is, it's probably just as sexy for him. Whether it's a flavor or a texture, it would drive him just as wild. If she were a JV cheerleader in 9th grade and I didn't notice, it would make her stand out. But she was a high school volleyball player, and they have in-shape legs and look cute in their shorts too. She is Lennie Cabenero.

There are other cute outfits besides cheerleading that the girls can wear. Formal dance dresses were always good. As I said with Lennie, Volleyball is cute. Even though we didn't have a team then, but I heard we got one later after I left, gymnastics. If we had access to a swimming pool, speed swimming. If there was an ice skating rink, or if you did it in the Fun N Stuff roller rink, figure skating. Here's one I think is like watching Spanish soaps, you don't understand the language of the more important details, but the universal languages of beauty and love are well conveyed. Ballet. I would be oblivious to the story telling aspects, but I can appreciate the beauty.

Speaking of Gymnastics, I knew a gymnast, but I met her a little after I had a crush on Melissa, she was a girl when I met at the Holiday Inn in Richfield. I looked at her when I was 13 and she was 10, and I saw her in her bathing suit, and he had an unusually large chest for a 10 year old (at least to my 13 year old eyes). She was the only girl I kissed, and one time I saw her with a strap on her bathing suit loose and her chest sticking out. I was in a catch 22. If I told her, she would complain that I just notice those things about her. If I didn't tell, and if she saw it, she would complain I was a pervert. Strangely enough, I let it go, because we were the only ones there, and near the end of our visit in the pool, she pulled it up. It might have made me think she was intentionally doing that. After I kissed her, she didn't want to see me for a long time. (or maybe it's a hyperactive parent thing. Those parents just hate me. Every time I called her on the phone, and got her, she wanted to talk, but she quickly had to go, and her mother answered, she was telling me she wasn't there.) After a few years of cooling off, she told me to meet her at a gymnastics picnic.

For the first time, I noticed her legs, because most of the time they were hidden by water below the surface. And yes, she went to my high school, even though she lived in a different school district's boundaries, but I didn't now it until my 11th grade year. I found out by asking her to look at something that she was legally blind. (If she would have been able to see me, she would have probably found me ugly.) and outside of her swimsuit and gymnastics uniform, she kind of looked frumpy. But there is one thing I got to say to that. Wow me once with your looks, and I'll overlook the times you're not trying to dress to impress. I'll remember the good vision of her well fonder than the bad vision of her when not was bad. Thanks Ellen Bartunek show showing me moments of beauty outweighs moments of uglinesss. Then again, I can explain her ugliness: she can't see right, so she can't primp herself to see what looks good on her. She just sees clothes as a pass to the outside world. expect on a couple of special occasions, just like me. I admit I could be a frump to, so it takes one to know one.

In sixth grade, there were 2 particular girls who took kindly to me, Carrie Lambert and Jill Kukarolla. They were both interested in me, and I was kind of confused. And they were a little flirty. I've seen a few times where they looked cute in the classroom.

After a failed seventh grade, I went to a special school, where in 8th grade, the few non-Nordonians I dealt with, was a trio of girls known as Nikki, Shannon, and Jen. They were all saying the other 2 liked me. I was like a game for them, but I asked which one would speak for yourself and say YOU like me, only Shannon (at this school they say don't share others' last names to the outside) had the courage to say that, so I focused on her. We had a good friendship, and I thought she was cute, but was interrupted when she moved and left no trace of where she moved to.

As for the other 2, THAT Jen earned her way back to her home school and became a cheerleader at her own school and came in one time in uniform. And I don't know what happened to Nikki.

About Melissa, she hooked me up with a friend of hers who was also a cheerleader, Christy Judd. I talked to her and and we were doing well. and yes, I tend to fall in love easy. But then again, that opens my options more.

Just to confirm my original strategy with Melissa about me trying to stake my claim before she became interested in boys, I met a girl in homeroom, another, (surprise) cheerleader, Rhadika Clark, and in the 9th grade I complemented her on her looks, and when I asked if she wanted to do anything, she said she was with her long time boyfriend, and would be interested in me it were to open up. I think the 2 of them never broke up and got married.

The I found Missy Fink in the smart girl classes who was also, yet again a cheerleader. Remember potentially any girl can look good in a cheerleader outfit, but those were the only ones that actually were, so they got the most attention.

In ninth grade there was a bunch of girls who teased me, when one of them spit on me, I just got mad and walked away. A few weeks later one of the girls (the one who spit) felt sorry both for me and what she did. I accepted her apology and we became friends. Sometimes you have to weather a storm to be friends wit someone. That was Dawn Mandot.

Another one of her friends were cute. I knew that because she introduced me to them. She was Davine Zocchi

Another friend, who was just a friend until she wowed me at Prom. was Shandrea Weaver. So now I'm leaving women who were a short but big part of my live. I talked to them over the phone, but after the move, I lost track of them.

At work while I was studying at Kent state I met a few girls who I like and liked me. The 2 I remember most were Amanda and Tia. (I don't know their last names) When I was trying to get them to like me, when playing Triple Topper Six Suit, I found one fatal flaw which cost me my chances with them. When playing 2 players I never had anyone knocked off the draw. Apparently someone who I wasn't trying to impressed asked what happens if you have a six sit on the draw. At first I said, you were out. Then in an 8 player game, 6 of them were out including Amanda and Tia, who I was trying to impress. By the way, Amanda came in one October night in her Homecoming dress, and Tia came in one day in her cheerleading outfit.

Then, during my college years, Jamal had a couple female friends from high school, Amy and Tara, both of whom were JV cheerleaders, and it was their senior year coming next summer, so it was Varisty or out. I was about to offer some advice, they didn't want it.

My advice was to not make personal cheers to athletes most of the time, but to work in sync and do cheers to get the crowd fired up. The cheers I saw at the basketball game were TV-PG bordering on TV-14, with them shaking their booties in sync and then asking the audience to turn around and shake their booties in sync. When Jamal took me to a game, what Amy and Tara were doing was making personal cheers to the players.

As it turned out neither made Varsity that senior year. Maybe if they would have listened to my advice, it would have turned out different. But we were together for about a year.

But then again what do I know about cheerleading that a typical high schooler doesn't? Well me figuring I'm too unathletic to do anything but jump and shout like a maniac at a Basketball game, made me think that me being a mascot would be the perfect way for me to do this. We didn't have a mascot at the time, and thinking, what do chickens have to do with the San Diego Padres, and what do gorillas have to do with the Phoenix Suns, I made a non-tradmark-infirnging green (because, along with white and gold accents, green was the school's main color.) I wore a green t-shirt, very short green shorts, and a dark green Hefty bag as a cape and an eyemask and showed up for cheerleading tryouts. I said I would try out to be the mascot, IF I can get on the squad without kicking off one of the girls. I know this is a girl's ticket to do good stuff, and I think if one of these ladies didn't show up because of me, that would be a net drain of tickets. And knowing my luck, if I get on the squad and one extra girl is cut because of me, it'd probably be the one cheerleader who actually wants to go on a date with me, so I said she'd look better in a cheerleading outfit compared to me in my mascot outfit. And I'd rather date a cheerleader than be one.

At this time, colleges were experimenting with Co-Ed squads, and these were not men impersonating women, these were men who had the more masculine tasks of throwing women high in the air, catching them. and setting the base for pyramids. I wasn't athletic enough to do anything like that. And I don't know if high school caught up to colleges where there'd be a limit of say 6 women and optional 2 men in the school size we were in, but not 8 ladies. The cheer coach didn't know either, so she sent me to the principal's office to look up state athletic rules and see if there's such a clause. I don't know if the principal approved so he said he'll look into it, and never came back with an answer.

If I didn't earn it before, that experiment made me voted most school-spirited man in my class. I was also most unforgettable man, and was nominated in the top 3 for one other category, I forget which. Then at the end of my high school career, when my name was announced, I has a ruckus standing ovation. All the other crowd cheers for other people, even the more enthused ones, seemed weak. It's hard to imagine someone who was poor at sports in grade school, and someone as fat and ugly as me getting the loudest cheer. Either I was the most popular kid in class, or there was a practical joke that everyone but me was privy to.

Finally there was post-move life, which is boring and lady-less because mom and dad keep me on a tight leash, and I am on Social Security Disability making more money than I ever did working. Up until about 12th grade, mom and dad were cool. Then dad got serious into Catholic religion. He said he was always, but I didn't notice it until after high school. Then he got my brother re-converted, then he re-converted my mother. I was the one who was gutsy enough to reject Catholic Sunday school because it didn't make sense to me, are these fables like Aesop, or are these literal history? But during second grade, when I questioned it, and mom and dad agreed the Catholic thing wasn't working for me. Then I was never confronted by religion. I guess when I saw those televangelists, one right after the other, and I saw some that were promising miracles and not delivering in a concrete manner, even though I didn't exactly know what that meant at the time, I was just told at the time, "it's like either mom or dad leaving the family but at the same time telling you you will go to hell if you don't stay with your family." I understood that. Dad was outraged at the televangelists. I thought he was criticizing all religion.

That's the thing, everybody criticizes religion, except their pet religion, they have a blind spot to whatever that religion does. Some people to wiling to kill in the name of religion. That's why the United States is so successful, treat friendly nations as friends, and if there is an enemy nation to some degree, give them a change to talk their way out of it, but if all else fails, and I mean ALL ELSE fails, fight. Fighting is good, but you shouldn't pull out your gun is someone looks at you funny. Like most thins, it's a sense of balance, like the Ying Yang in China.

Compared to Europe before 1776, the United States is a stable place. In Europe every schism and Protestant offshoot was fighting for land and religious freedom in some cases, dominance in others. Pilgrims were American Dominationalist Denominationaists. They killed people for being witches, and they made it a crime not to go to their particular church. Is wasn't until the US Revolution that the various state religions not recognized by Europe would band together and fight for religious freedom. Until then, they fought for THEIR religious freedom and OTHERS religious subjugation. If you didn't like it, move to another state. Even until the post-Civil War amendments, that freedom of religion only applied for the purposes of the FEDERAL government. States can and usually did have a state religion. As one would would have been arrested in those days for not going to ANY church, and from a family that would have been arrested (maybe just at a parking ticket level, not a jailable offense.) for not going to the State Church, I welcome the breakup of a state's religious monopoly. Now people have a choice: a Catholic, a Mormon, and a Black-Liberationist-Theologist have been a major party's candidate, none of those would have been considered one of the possible state's religions, meaning according to all states, they were not Christian, even tough all 3 have something to Jesus to varying degrees.

That's not to say religion can't do good. If someone is being a scourge to society by their choice, if the only thing that will keep them in line is a pit of fire forever once you die, then by all means scare them. Also the concept of forgiveness an everyone being both a member of the entire human family throughout history and an individual simultaneously are good concepts to teach that balances out the excesses of both extremes, hyper-conformity by a ruthless dictator, and being so anti-social that unless they can help you directly, you see them as a threat.

Now how nuts I think my mom and dad are about religion? They said it's my destiny to be single forever. It seems like they are gleeful in that goal. One time when I talked about women in the weddings of my friends, that was literally my only opportunity to find happiness with a woman and hopefully kids. My mom is distraught when she can't see her granddaughter, (my niece), but when I said you still got a chance with me, she gets angry at me.

I don't want to sound cocky, but isn't this exact same tight leash policy the exact thing that made me feel desperate enough that Melissa was my best chance of getting married at the time in 2000? Think about it, the only way to legally express sexual feelings was within marriage. So when your mom and dad barrage you with "that's forbidden", to appease your mom and dad, you try to be friends with a woman, I can have many female friends but the wife is the one female friend I can snuggle with. I haven't seen her for 2 years. Now mom and dad want to punish me forever for that. I swear, as soon as something succeeds enough where I can live out on my own, I will.

But if given the chance, I'll be better than my parents. If I were vindictive, I'd not let mom and dad see their grandkids because they would enlighten/poison them with the word of God. But I'm not, I'd introduce them to their Grandma and Grandpa on my side of the family. I'd say that Grandma and Grandpa believe in things that I would say aren't true, but is for the most part harmless, like a really good story. And yes, a lot of kids of atheists believe in God, mainly because we gave our kids the choice that our parents wouldn't give. I'd say, do they mean harm by their storytelling? If they do, don't listen to them, otherwise there may be something valuable listening to another perspective. How would you know you do or don't like a food you like until you try it? Most good stories have a moral point throughout history, because it's about being human.

A bad analogy because when I was young I was very picky, mainly because I have no sense of smell. As I got older, I experimented within my comfort zone. I had some liquid I liked to drown out the taste in case of a bad taste, but that safety valve wasn't available in a special school I was in during the summer after 3rd grade. I starved, during that time, and overcompensated by overeating once the weekend started. That's how I became fat.

Since then, some things were awful, some things I'd eat but rarely try again, others I liked. I made a leap of faith before anyone else in my family on one of my favorite foods. Skyline 3-Ways . Dad introduced me to Skyline Chili bowls, I liked Cheddar Cheese, I liked Pasta, maybe their combination tasted good. It tasted better than all 3 individually. Now with my Diabetes, I occasionally eat 3-ways, but everyday I eat the exact same thing, except half the pasta in a bowl in spoonable shapes and sizes. At home, I cook 1 ounce of ABC Egg noodles instead of 2 ounces of non-egg spaghetti. When I had a 3-way in the traditional ratio at home, it didn't quite taste the same, and I found the reason why. The pasta sits in a tomato-type sauce. Since we can't do that at home without wasting lots of tomato sauce, This "half the pasta 3-way in a spoonable form" is what I eat pretty much every day. I even came up with a good name. "Chili Noodle Soup". When I proposed it to Skyline, they said why couldn't I add the name "Skyline in there somewhere" If Nintendo owns the word Remote, only in combination with the word Wii and a couple other legal parameters. Third Party Wimotes can't call themselves Wii Remotes, even though I heard the word "wiimote" more often than "wii remote" from everyone except Nintendo employees. "Wiimote" would have been the catchier name to trademark. If Skyline is part of the trademark other Cincinnatti Chili joints can use the phrase "Chili Noodle Soup" just stick their trademark in front of it. And there are some independent chili joints that serve "the blue formula" "the red formula" and the "yellow formula". Skyline would gain extra sales of those not sepcifying the formula in those joints, because it would be a Skyline Recipe. But if they asked for a generic name, they'd be asked what formula you want, and you'd lose some derivative sales at an indie joint. (They have to buy the blue formula from Skyline. They just have to call it blue formula.) It has a texture of soup but thicker and meatier, and enough noodles to add texture to the soup. There's about .9 grams of protein per gram of carbohydrates in a "standard 3-Way" but about 1.5-2 grams of protein per gram of carbohydrate in a "Chili Noodle Soup." A typical healthy diet has a balance of .3 grams of protein per gram of carbs.

And yes I learned from my Nordonia Open when I sneezed I criticized someone for saying God Bless You. Before, that got edited out by my Dad, Flamin' Raymin', because he didn't want the controversy on tape. Now I'd say something like "It's better than saying 'God Damn You', so thank you." Likewise when people criticize me for saying Gesundheit when someone sneezes, mostly my family and their church, I'd say "I didn't say Krankenheit. (which means "sickness" in German) I didn't say "Toetenheit (which means "dead-ness" when computer translated, or "death" by human translators.) I said Gesundheit which means "healthiness." (that's a overly-literal computerized translation, a more poetic one would be "health") (not to mention, that phrase is so common, even in English, that there's an implied "Ich Wuentche dir..." or "I wish to you..." left out.) As you can guess adding -heit to an adjective in German is like adding -ness to an adjective in English. But the point is look at their intentions. If they wanted me to burn in Hell, they'd say "God Damn You." same if I were angry and wished them sickness or death. In both our cases, we both mean well, and isn't that what being part of the same human family yet individuals at the same time is all about. If we were meant to be exactly the same, we'd be robots programmed by a puppetmaster God, and if we weren't meant to be social we wouldn't have the ability to make new members of the human species.

Finally most of the ladies I saw at friends weddings, were either married, dating one of my friends, or otherwise had a date. I always went alone. I had to find dates at the weddings, which is tough since everyone I talked to was coupled up with a guy. i don't think there was one unaccomapanied lady there.

But there were 2 rays of hope. One was Tami Plush. I saw were with Gavin at a wedding. Gavin said she was his cousin. When he said that, I said "cousin, they couldn't get married anywhere!" so I thought she was safe target. When I got lovey eyed for her, she said to stop staring at her. I said I thought she was a safe target. She asked Why? And I said because you're Gavin's cousin and the 2 of you came together. She asked, says who? I said says Gavin. Then Tami and Gavin a had a decently long talk away from me. After the conference, Gavin said he wanted to see me in action. And I said I wouldn't have tried if I knew she was your date. And he said that's why he came up with the cousins story. I guess he never seen me in love, or he wanted me to give the gift of love, just before yanking back into reality. Now during the 4 crossover WWE pay per views, (Wrestlemania, Summer Slam, Survivor Series, and Royal Rumble) I visit him, Tami his wife, and their kids, along with other friends and relatives and their families. Next time, I'm going to ask if I can play "This Little Piggy" with the 3 kids. With 3 kids, if they are cousins like they said at first, one might have 11 toes. If they're not cousins, they should be proud to show their decimal kids's toes. What would have been funny was when the priest said "if anyone knows of any reason why these 2 should not be wed..." I'd say, "They're COUSINS!" And then this thing gets brought up again. On the other hand, better me memorializing that day on 56ok.org than at their wedding.

The other one was one of 4 girls who I saw a long time at a different wedding. There was Breanne, and a couple others, but the one I was favoring was Sandy Watson. I thought she was the prettiest dressed, but I dared say nothing, ruining my chances with the other 3. They were all waiting alone at a parking lot with me for a limo. She kind of opened up later in the day when liquor loosened their inhabitions. (I hope they were over 21. I don't give strange women alcohol when there's no age check at the door) She was dancing with me, and so were the other 3. At another wedding, some of those people were back (our friends want to keep it in the Countdown321 Crew apparently if the same non-related guests show up at 2 different weddings.) Again she was the prettiest one there. I told her, I remember you, you were one of the 4 girls waiting at he limo stop at ap revious wedding. Yes, she said. I said all 4 of you were pretty, trying to maximize my chances, but secretly, I thought she was the prettiest one there, and openly she's the prettiest one here. She had a boyfriend hanging around her. She asked which one as she. I thought giving a description would make me sound superficial. So i said, I wasn't sure if you gave me your name but I believe I have the right one if you let me descrtibe what you were wearing that day. She said never mind. I'm Sandy. I took this opportunity to play "he who lives in glass houses should not cast stones" You remember me, do you know MY name? She said sorry, no. Then I said, now we're even, I'm Brian. That might have worked if she didn't have a boyfriend at the time or they were going through strife, but I knew I probably wasn't going to see her again, because the odds of meeting at 3 friends' wedding who were not related to each other were astronomical. but I remembered the name Sandy Watson, and She remembered Brian Ciesicki from that point on. We became facebook friends, but that's one step up from finding a random name in a phone book. I try not to dilute my social sites with Friends of Friends and "I know this guy"'s. Then all I'll have is a phone book with alphabetized names.

Unfortunately, with Xbox Live, even when it says my friends are on Xbox, they never pick up their chat devices. They don't even send a message. Jamal said when the Xbox One came out, "All our friends are moving to the Xbox One," as all of us were 360 households. "We won't chat or play on our 360s most of the time. The systems are incompatible, that's why you can't get a hold of us." So I saved, bought an Xbox One with Kinect for $300 instead of the going rate of $450. What did that buy me?

One thing it didn't buy me is games with my friends. I've probably talked to more strangers and more importantly, GAMED with the least played ONE of about 5 strangers I friended than I did all my friends combined.

And trust me, with the online games I play, I have better odds getting married given this sob story than I do finding opponents on games if I just had to sit, wait and twiddle my thumbs. Thankfully, there were clubs dedicated to particular games I looked up. and I found a few friends and played a few games. Luckily most of the games I like CAN BE 1 on 1. And I friended them specifically to dial an opponent. Thankfully the artificial limit of 100 friends is gone and they don't have to be mutual friends, (there are one-way friendships.) But there is a club limit of 20, and it's hard to find all the games I want looking up a club. Plus not all possible opponents are listed. There should be individual game clubs and the ability to join them all if you wish. You be your own filter. Instead most of these clubs are for 3 games that I own at the most. I have to pick the best groups without overlap. I thought the purpose of clubs was to unite on other factors besides the games you own, like I could start the Nordonia Open Mini Golf Alumni for players and other stars of the Nordonia Open. or there could be a Life to the Power of X Fan Club or a WCG ultimate Gamer Fan Club, I'd be in both of those. Uniting on the basis of games is a no brainer. Why doesn't every game have a club, and why aren't we allowed to join any one we want, either if we own it or want to hear more news

FInally there's one lady who took interest in me. She wrote me a couple of letter on Classmates.com She is Rhonda Bell. I've seen her a couple times in a business near Gavin's house. We talked. I wanted to invite her as a secret guest at Jamal's wedding, and they were willing to let her in. Unfortunately, by the time she read the invite it was 2 months late. And I gave about a month in advance warning. The biggest mistake Jamal made was putting me and my parents on the same wedding RSVP. I couldn't slip my plus one without them knowing. I had to kanive Jamal to pull it off, and there some problems with the extra guest, with Jess's family, so Jamal had to go into gory details about my Mom and Dad the overseeers, only to not have it pulled off.